"it" just moved
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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