Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
