Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
