If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
