I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
