You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
