Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
