Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
