I faked an abortion last night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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