I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The power of my boobs compel you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
