I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
