She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
