not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
