Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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