I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
