I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
