Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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