whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my liver is dry heaving
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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