I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
