I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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