he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
