the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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