i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
