Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
