I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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