Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
