I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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