Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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