sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize