If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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