Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
