Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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