miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
