oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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