the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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