I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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