I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
