no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
