Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
