Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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