We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize