my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sext me about skeletons
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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