he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize