What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
