yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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