i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
