Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
farters have to be the big spoon...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
