i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
