in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
