we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
