i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
