I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
