I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
