Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
