Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
