Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
