I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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