i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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