I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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