When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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