I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
