Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
