Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
