It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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