Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize