I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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