Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
