im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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