She's JV to your varsity
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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