it's like iHOP with fire
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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