Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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