Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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