im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
