At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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