my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
