we should wear snuggies to the strip club
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
