i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
