I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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