Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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