Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
