k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize