Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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