but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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