Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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