In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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