dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
