Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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