Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
