I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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