I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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