Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
