we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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