I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
